I didn’t fire my gun. I gave it a promotion.

“I made a necklace out of seashells, but I lost it at the beach. I don’t think I…”

“I want a Snuggle Sandwich—hold the pickle. Make it a combo and upsize it.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes …”

“A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small kn…”