I didn’t have time to grow out a mustache, so I wore a squirrel to the party. Women looked at me like they knew I was a lover who knows how to how, if you know what, when, where, why, and who I’m talking about.

“I put all my eggs in one basket, and then I jizzed all over them. I'm a natural…”

“I don’t understand people who eat Chinese food with chopsticks when the restaur…”

“Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it ma…”

“When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing …”