I don’t break wind—I repair it. I am the anti politician, because when one speaks, he farts through his mouth, and the people always suffer.

“If your name is Alex Andrew Aaron, and you are a straight-A student, is it beca…”

“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me…”

“I think they should combine the Summer and Winter Olympics and call it the Fall…”

“In a recent Gallup poll conducted in France while riding a horse, two out of th…”