I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).

“I’ll name my firstborn child Squiblob, after his mother.”

“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making mon…”

“My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join m…”

“I’m a guy who respects boundaries. I require a passport for interpersonal trave…”