I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.


“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

“The topic of weather isn’t small talk, when you’re conversing with a meteorolog…”

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper whil…”

“I said if I get her pregnant, I’d get to name our kid. She asked what I’d call …”