I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?

“If you can predict the future, you can change the past.”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door po…”

“I’d understand if at your front door you want me to take off my shoes, but I wo…”