I don’t sleep naked, because that’s not proper beach etiquette.

“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.”

“I need love. Here’s a list of other things I need: eggs, butter, flour, and sug…”

“My ex was a BBW, but she looked Ok. Actually, she looked more like Tx.”