I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.

“I don’t like it when I have guests over and my girlfriend doesn’t wear pants an…”

“A blanket is a coffin, if the cops are after you and you have to dump a body qu…”

“We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were mo…”

“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. No…”