I drove 30 miles to buy some breath mints before I realized I had some already in my pocket. Then it took me another 30 minutes to figure out they weren’t breath mints at all—they were aspirins.

“Whenever you have a goal, it's a good idea to have both a plan A and a back-up …”

“A brick could be used like a simile, and I’d like it. But not as much as I’d li…”

“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with…”

“To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imagina…”