I ended up with the nomination, and the breasts to back up the voter’s confidence in me as a woman.

“I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some…”

“Panic juice—try not to choke while chugging it.”

“Any advice I might give a depressed person comes in the form of cyanide, and us…”

“Two days ago, Tuesday at 10:10 am, I gave birth to a bagel. And God commanded m…”