I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyone else began their search.

“She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. S…”

“I ate the evidence he’d been murdered. What Carl called “Kevin,” I called dinne…”

“I am the open, empty palm. You may call it ingratitude, bearing no gifts, but I…”

“How do two retards eat a turd sandwich? Well, not by first wiping their ass wit…”