I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.

“There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.”

“If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a b…”

“The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the l…”

“I want a trophy wife, because the only thing I’ve ever won is a fourth-place ri…”