I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real.

“Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to othe…”

“My wife and I aren’t a match. We’re a match and gasoline.”

“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over…”

“I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop ca…”