I got stiffed on a tip. It was an erection.

“I’m building a hot air balloon out of my love for you. I’m starting with the ho…”

“I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a…”

“My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.”

“After I’m dead, I want to ghostwrite my autobiography.”