I had a Chinese girlfriend once who asked me how much she meant to me. I knew very little Chinese, so I responded, "Chicken Lo Mein.

“I’m reminded of a story I told my 5th grade class in the 4th grade.”

“I’d rather be snorkeling in the sea of love. But instead I’m stuck here, in a f…”

“The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was somebody else, somebody I could lo…”

“A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.
”