I had no direction until I merged into the left lane. Some people find God. I found my blinker.

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and ta…”

“Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses a…”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”

“Just don’t stand around and say, “Just don’t stand around.” That’s my job, and …”