I had some Mexican for dinner. Who knew cannibalism could be so tasty?

“My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?”

“I met a man with no forehead and receding eyebrows. He had ketchup crusted on h…”

“I did a face plant. Ivy was her name.”

“I’m about to cross a time zone, and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling…”