I hate the phrase “Shit or get off the pot,” because I rarely cook with feces.

“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with…”

“There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots wi…”

“10% ago I was 90% unsure of what I didn’t want to do. Now I’m just 33.3% sure t…”

“I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it…”