I have a cigarette for a penis. Except when I get sexually aroused it turns into a cigar. Would you care to hold my lighter?

“I buy black clothes, so I can hide behind my shadow.”

“How would you define love to an eight-year-old aardvark from Argentina who hear…”

“Last night I stayed up late talking about tomorrow, and today I regret it becau…”

“There’s moisture in my madness. I should start keeping my insanity in Tupperwar…”