I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

“It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequi…”

“You want to tell me what this is? she asked as she gabbed my erection. “A mirac…”

“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I…”

“It is Father’s Day today. I should probably call all three of mine and say Hell…”