I invented an invisible machine to help you get to sleep. It only works after your eyes stay shut for a length of time. It’s also so quiet that you won’t hear it.

“If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?”

“We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he …”

“There should be a language called Nail, so I could more naturally say, “My nail…”

“Before I walked into the door, the room got shades darker as a cloud did a summ…”