I just took a shit that smelled like a dentist’s office. Open your mouth.

“On my desk are two things: an unfinished research paper due tomorrow, and a goa…”

“I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dang…”

“There are many ways to kill someone. I prefer laughter, and doing it slowly, ov…”

“A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, b…”