I keep my heart in my hope chest. Other items in there are clothes, towels, silverware, and all the love I have to offer my future wife. I must specify that my love is hand wash only.

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs the…”

“Silence is golden, and gold is up these days, so silence is a solid investment.”

“My favorite pen is my penis. Put my words in your mouth.”

“I’m like a walking maze. Follow me.”