I lean on my friends for support. It’s better than leaning on a crutch, because your friends won’t accuse you of chugging down all the water out of the goldfish bowl. My friends know I have a drinking problem.

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

“Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel thi…”

“A brick could be used to support a wobbly table. Who got that table drunk, anyw…”

“The best way to deal with tiredness is to sleep it off.”