I like being right more than I like keeping friends. Certainly this leaves me lonely, but at least I’m always certain.

“If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part …”

“If I were facing a firing squad, I’d ask them to hold on just one second, becau…”

“I called for backup, but they didn’t put the car in reverse.”

“I’m like a praying mantis, except not so devout. And I make love like a monk in…”