I like spending time with my family. And if you have the same last name as me, we might be family. I’m an orphan, so I was hoping we could hang out.

“My answer is nope, so don’t even hope.”

“Looking at you in a mirror makes you more of an ally than an opponent, because …”

“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest.
”

“I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.”