I like undressing women with my eyes, but I just can’t quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.

“You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I kn…”

“There’s truth in what you say, even though it’s all lies.”

“I’m in a biker gang. We deal in drugs. Our chapter president is Lance Armstrong.”

“My skin hasn’t been sleeping. It stays awake just itching for a fight.”