I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twelve minutes or twelve hours. Depends on which beach you want to go to.

“After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by tha…”

“I’ll write the time on my wrist, and I’ll cover it up by wearing a watch.”

“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than…”

“I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.”