I love women’s breasts. I love how they don’t blink when I stare at them.

“Fornication: Do it for the kids. Just not at their birthday parties.”

“I once went to a Russian restaurant called “Stalin’s Café.” All the items on th…”

“I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.”

“How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell.”