I made out like a bandit. Not that I’ve ever made out with a bandit.

“A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look s…”

“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital let…”

“Extended family is great. If you want to know how extended your family is, just…”

“When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll proba…”