I make art like I make love—slowly, so I get the most for my money.

“I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.”

“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the ligh…”

“I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. 
”

“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, s…”