I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.

“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, p…”

“Men are from vaginas, and women are from women.”

“At my bachelor party I had Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” play on repeat, while I e…”

“Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a ser…”