I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.

“I’m hypoglycemic and squeamish and liable to pass out at the first sign of bloo…”

“She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?”

“If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to se…”

“One brick is not a wall. Unless you’re an ant, and then it’s not only a wall, i…”