I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).

“If a building were shaped like a body, I’d imagine you’d exit out the rear.”

“A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift.…”

“If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.”

“If you’re hungry, eat one of my new starvation pills. They taste like silence.
”