I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because they’re so envious and jealous when I wear it that they avoid me altogether.

“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call…”

“They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for love…”

“If I remain silent, the proper response is, “You don’t say.”

“Don’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of stra…”