I meant to spear her with my love, but bad breath got in the way. Next time I’ll spearmint.

“Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, “Can I get you a drink?”…”

“Watching two cows have sex is the most magical experience at Cereal Land.”

“I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat …”

“For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon…”