I met a girl I wanted to date, but she was spoken for—by her mouth. That’s the kind of relationship I could never talk her out of.

“I like to switch things up by keeping things the same. People never expect it.”

“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been …”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“Albertasauras is named After Alberta, Canada, which is named after Prince Alber…”