I met my girlfriend at a bar. But I broke up with her because she was already there, hitting on another guy.

“I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning …”

“I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it …”

“Politicians are like warts on the body of society. And the only thing worse tha…”

“You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll als…”