I murdered all my staff. I’m terribly sorry. I thought they were someone else (my wife).

“Do you find it erotic how my pants bulge in the crotch, where I keep my coffee …”

“It’s one thing to say you love snakes, but it’s another to actually live the li…”

“A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the momen…”

“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of…”