I need to hire a babysitter for Friday night. I also need to buy myself some adult diapers.

“It’s 3:32, and I need just one more ingredient to finish baking 3:33. Would you…”

“I looked him in the eyes and said, “I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s lik…”

“I found a note I wrote that said “Doctor’s Appointment Tomorrow.” Well, that no…”

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up…”