I never got to call myself a door-to-door salesman, because, regrettably, I only ever went to one door. But one day I just might knock on another door, to be able to proudly say that I was once a door-to-door salesman.

“I never hit below the belt, especially if that belt is the rust belt and I’m in…”

“No, lady, you didn’t have sex with me, you had sex with my clone. I’m sorry, bu…”

“Who stole my stew? I left it sitting in my stomach while I went to the bathroom…”

“A drunk can't follow a line of reasoning, even if it is a double white line.”