I never understood the term “Ass hat.” Not until I misplaced my Fedora, and decided to cover up my disheveled hair with underwear.

“Don’t bother calling the cops, because nobody can find me here. I know, because…”

“At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I open…”

“To be environmentally friendly, I’d ride my stationary bike to work. I hope my …”

“The final few weeks in a town before you move always feel like vacation, like y…”