I observe President’s Day. I observe it with my binoculars.

“My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench o…”

“Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.”

“I want to make slow, passionate rush hour to a pack of masturbation.”

“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your ca…”