I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.

“Here in Jacksonville there’s a road called Commonwealth Blvd., and today as I w…”

“Death is like bedtime—we all want to put it off until tomorrow. But when you’re…”

“I drink coffee like goats walk on tightropes. It’s fun to watch, but it sure wo…”

“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need …”