I only know I was born on March 5th because someone told me. I don’t remember myself. So it’s fact based on secondhand information and trust.

“If I knew beforehand that I’d need a good backhand, I’d never have taken up ten…”

“When I’m cold and I fart, I always admonish myself saying, “Stop! Close the bac…”

“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll al…”

“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, p…”