I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. 


“There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism.”

“It’s one thing to say you love snakes, but it’s another to actually live the li…”

“Dear Ian, I felt good. I felt like a Christian to the T. Also to the Chris, Ian.”

“He was a cheeky bastard, especially when he talked with a thong in his mouth.”