I practice karate moves when I think nobody is watching. It’s all part of being a real American badass, I guess. Chicks dig it. I mean they would, if they ever looked and caught me in a moment of awesomeness.


“We shouldn’t eat raw food. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be listening to …”

“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber …”

“In the interview I was told that I’d be replacing Robert, who was a robot. The …”

“The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon me…”