I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.

“Having kids and making kids are two different hobbies. I don’t have any childre…”

“I’ll make a goofy face at you. It’s just another stunning example of my ability…”

“I have a stalker, a beautiful one: the sunset. Every day she’s there, watching …”

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mo…”