I put my heart in a paper cup, so she’d be more likely to drink it up.

“I’m exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years …”

“A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live some…”

“If my name were Entist, I’d probably be a dentist. If my name were Dennis, I’d …”

“I thought his wooden leg was part of the table at first. My bad, buddy.”