I refuse to answer the phone, especially when it’s not questioning (ringing).

“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for o…”

“I want to knit myself a skin-tight sweater, made out of human flesh.”

“I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.”

“I like the New York Times. I only wish it were softer, and more like toilet pap…”